Friday, 30 August 2013

7 ways in which I would improve Elysium [SPOILERS]

The other night, Alex and I went to see the newly-released Elysium. I thought it was ok, but I feel that I could have made it better:

1) Have Matt Damon topless for most of the film
How did they manage to put his t-shirt back on after the robotic arms had been fused to the nerves in his chest? They surely wouldn't have left his t-shirt on while they were drilling into him, so how did they do it? Did they have a seamstress on the team who just sewed it back onto him? And I'm guessing he never took it off to wash, which is fine cos you know, five days to live and everything, I mean you wouldn't bother would you, but still, it seems like a bit of a faff to have to cut him out of it. In fact, if he did end up surviving, would he ever be able to wash? I mean, was the equipment waterproof? That would be pretty awful if he managed to survive everything and then got electrocuted whilst taking a well-earned shower.
This was what was going through my head for about 40% of the movie. The t-shirt paradox was just SO distracting. If he has to wear clothing, logic dictates it should be OVER the equipment. But since it was the equipment that made Matt Damon look all badass, it doesn't make sense to cover it up, so I guess the only solution is for him to not wear a t-shirt at all. What a pity.
2) Have a romantic plot line.
I loved Matt Damon and that woman together, it would have been so cute if something had happened! I know, I know, he was a bit dodge and she was a bit wary of him, but still, they could have resolved it before his death! Come on Hollywood, you've been peddling the same old love story for decades; if you show me flashbacks of a boy and a girl who are best friends forever, I'm going to assume that they fall in love at the end of the film. Now, maybe that did happen, but we weren't really given time to process it because Matt Damon went and died. Nice one mate.

3) Explain more about Elysium.
When did it come about? How did they build it? Why is it a wheel shape? How come they don't have clouds? Why do only white people live there? And yet the president is Asian? Can you see Elysium from all parts of Earth or does it just hover in orbit over LA? How big is it? It seems tiny! How many people live there? From what I saw, it looked like 500,000 at the absolute most. Why can't the people on Earth seem to cope without these 500,000 rich white people? Has there been some kind of disaster? I just really want to know more. Don't just throw these satellite cities at me without explaining yourself.

4) Have less close-ups of Matt Damon's operation.
And any similar close-ups. In fact, I'd just leave them out altogether. If you just show a surgeon holding a knife, I think everyone understands the horror of the situation. I have an imagination, I don't need it to come to life thank you very much.

5) Charge less at the cinema.
It was Orange Wednesday and it still cost nine quid for two of us. Sort it out.

6) Not have a cop-out ending.
Oh yay, so everyone on Earth is now a citizen of Elysium, hooray! That was a nice bit of coding mister, changing 'illegal' to 'legal'. But wait, now what? Does everyone now go up there and get healing? Because really, they need those machines on Earth. And if they bring them to Earth, then what? Is all disease eradicated from Earth? And will that guy stay president? Because I feel he wouldn't make that great a president, no offence. Ok, so Matt Damon's part in the film was over, but that didn't mean the film had to be over. The fact that it was over meant that the writers didn't have to think about the consequences of their ending. Well, bully for them.

7) Not market it like a cool dystopian film that I would like.
I love a good dystopian story, but this wasn't one at all, and the adverts really made it seem like it would be one. It was just action and sci-fi, aka BORING, with a small dystopian twist.

So yeah, I mean I don't think it was a terrible film, but I just think it wasn't as good as it could have been, given the concept. I suppose my message to the filmmakers is "Try harder next time".

Images: SFX, Movie Masala, Horror Homework


  1. The healing things came down to earth at the end, weren't you watching?

  2. Lol don't write a movie review if you were not paying attention